First things first, where am I going to be on Friday May 3, 2019? Attending the premiere of Marco Porsia’s film “SWANS: Where Does A Body End?” at the Indie Lisboa International Independent Film Festival. And the 6th May? Right back at the same venue for the second screening. How about Friday 10th May? Oh that’s different. I’ll be in Brussels for a weekend break…And watching the third screening of the movie.

Over the past couple of years I’ve had the honour of seeing several rough cuts of the movie at various stages in it’s development and it’s amazing how much has gone into the work – and how powerful I’ve found it each and every time. Breathtaking.

Busy past month beavering away on various endeavours – around which there’s still been time for music. Record Store Day, I visited Specialist Subject Records at The Exchange here in Bristol – it’s on my front door and jeez…This crew make me feel like I’ve only scratched the surface of the current music scenes afoot in the U.K. and around the world. Just a sea of underground and indie vinyl from bands I find myself looking up over and again. I wound up walking out – after a very pleasant chat with the staff – with:

Birds in Row “We Already Lost The World”

https://birdsinrow.bandcamp.com/album/we-already-lost-the-world

Television Personalities “Some Kind of Happening: Singles 1978-1989”

https://recordstoreday.co.uk/releases/rsd-2019/television-personalities/

And, finally: Bossk “Audio Noir”

I had bought the I/II reissue on a previous visit so I was helpless to not wide up with Audio Noir this time around (https://bosskband.bandcamp.com/album/i-ii-reissue-3).

Around that I’ve been taking time to fill in my collection of Burial 12″s and spending time with Leyland Kirby’s latest (final?) utterance as The Caretaker – things of beauty. check out Bliss Signal too!

Reading-wise, I can’t speak highly enough of How To Survive A Plague by David France (https://www.theguardian.com/books/2016/dec/12/how-to-survive-a-plague-review-david-france-activists-aids-treatment-hiv). By the final chapter, when there’s finally a true chink of light and hope, I found myself tearing up and gulping with relief – totally sucked into this account of people striving to survive, to protect loved ones, to claw their way into the consciousness of a world that wanted to pretend these weren’t real people deserving of care or attention. Amazing.

Well that’s nice. Back in 2015 I put together a brief story based on the ‘I Found My Friends’ oral history I’d put together from the memories of the bands who performed alongside Nirvana 1987-1994.

View at Medium.com

There’s not much I really have to add about Cobain at a quarter century distance from his death. Amid the clickbait and web-space filler there are plenty of respectful and insightful pieces out there, so much information! In terms of modern figures, Cobain might be one of the most reviewed, video’ed, recorded, written about…What can I say?

https://www.scenepointblank.com/features/regular-columns/guest-column-nick-soulsby-let-sun-come/

Loren and the team at Scene Point Blank were kind enough to let me provide a rambling description of the kinds of thoughts that motivate me when looking at music, musicians, books, life in general – then to point to why I feel SWANS and Michael Gira are so unique in this respect.

Page two offers some cheerful easy-listening tunes to accompany thought time this afternoon. Viva Swans!

 

 

https://www.gofundme.com/w6ste-genesis-breyer-porridge

Genesis P-Orridge, to me, is a rare example of an individual who has been brave enough to make their entire life a site of experimentation and change. With true artists there’s sometimes an air of ‘they go there so we pedestrian civilian types don’t have to’ – that’s definitely true with Genesis but what I admire most is that, throughout all these transgressions over the decades, there’s a person who values humanity and kindness at the centre of it all.

Reading the various works looking at his music history, his art work, even some of the volumes related to his esoteric magick interests, there’s a breadth of thinking and energy there that awes me. Across Coum Transmissions, Throbbing Gristle, Psychic TV and beyond there’s always an attempt to explore an idea, then move on and seek something new. I admire that kind of questing behaviour because it can be so easy to settle into a single groove and dig it deeper to no great end.

Currently, Genesis is extremely ill, I’m hoping people have a little spare change and so forth that they’d be willing to drop into the Go Fund Me to keep him comfortable at this time.

https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/new-books-network/e/58779912

This was a bit of an honour and a pleasure. An author called Steve Naish caught me late last year and inquired whether I was open to being interviewed for the New Books Network (it’s also available on iTunes.)

Always a pleasure to have a conversation with someone: as a basic philosophy, I think humans require input in order to process it into meaningful or worthwhile output. That seems simplistic (it is) but what I mean is all the time in the world sitting in a room dreaming and musing doesn’t add up to anything compared to the momentum created by external stimuli and impetus. One would think that writing was a solitary business, something one did alone, but I think it’s swifter and more productive when it involves other people day by day to keep it moving and give something to play with or push against.

Steve’s most recent work is Riffs And Meaning: Manic Street Preachers and Know Your Enemy. It immediately appealed to me personally because, on the first dubbed cassette of Nirvana I ever heard, way back in 1993, the space at the end of Side B had been filled with two Manics songs: ‘Vision Of Dead Desire’ and ‘You Love Us’. Killer tunes. But then I dived so completely into American music that I lost track of them altogether. Worse, MTV played that fecking awful ‘Design For Life’ song over and over for an entire summer of my teenhood and I couldn’t bring myself to touch the band. A few belated attempts to return to The Holy Bible never really picked up pace…

…Which is where I’ve been verrrrrry pleased to find this book and gain a context that made me want to go back and look over Manic Street Preachers. There’s something about reading passionate words and analysis that makes me look again with fresh eyes – gets me every time.

https://headpress.com/product/riffs-and-meaning/

https://www.popmatters.com/green-river-2019-re-issues-2628275330.html

I reviewed the two new Green River reissues for Pop Matters last week: so darn good! A definite recommendation on my part.

 

 

img_3880

Everyone gets stress dreams. They’re the visual imagery representing mental pressure – the most common motif is being chased by someone or something, falling dreams have a similar impetus behind them (things being out of control, no longer having one’s grip and so forth.) I’m aware that ‘telling people your dreams’ is high on the How To Bore list…But what the hey, feel free to stop reading here.

My stress dream has been pretty consistent since I was in my late teens. What happens is I’m in a record store or at a market stall. I note that they have a load of Nirvana bootlegs, I mean, a TON of Nirvana bootlegs – more than I’ve ever seen in one place. My excitement becomes sheer awe when I realise there are song names I’ve never heard, or song names that have only been rumoured, song names that I’m sure no one knows. I’m seeing ‘Suicide Samurai’, I’m seeing ‘Lullaby’, I’m seeing ‘Song in D’. I’m seeing an array of covers, I’m seeing bracketed notes telling me ‘alt lyrics’, ‘instrumental’, ‘early version’, ‘demo’, ‘acoustic’, ‘electric’.

The detail is amazing. I can feel the pressure building – I only have enough money on me to buy one CD. You can tell I’m a child of the nineties given that particular physical media is at the centre of my dream. I’m flipping CD cases and reading the brief descriptions on the back – which gig was this song supposedly from? When was this song recorded? It’s an indication of how powerful the Outcesticide series was for me as a teenager that the backs of these discs are formatted like Outcesticide II and III and give summary details for each song.

1

The guy running the stall, the guy running the shop, he won’t allow me to put the discs on his stereo and flick through before I buy. The dream seems to be pre-modern because I don’t whip my phone out and start browsing YouTube or checking for information online about these mysterious songs. I have no way of figuring out which one to buy. I’m just going to have to choose. Tension builds.

I realise I’m looking at songs that no one realised Kurt Cobain created. There’s a showcase gig listed that no one knew took place where, in 1994, Nirvana present three-four brand new songs with names that only exist in my dream. I’m in holy grail territory: the final Cobain demos, the last songs Nirvana had finished – and not a single soul ever let on they existed, never in 25 years…How do I choose? What do I have to leave behind?

And that’s it. I’m trapped. I’m stuck there reading details and trying to use that data to make an impossible choice. I wake up inside a moment where I’m sweating and stressed, reading and re-reading, juggling dates and names and descriptions trying to add up what might theoretically be more valuable than what, all the time aware of the proliferation of fake songs and incorrect song titles and minor rather than substantive differences that haunted bootlegs…

Yup. Geek dream – that’s for sure. That’s what my visits to certain record stores used to be like though, so it’s partially a memory, not just a dream. I remember finding a disc – relatively late in my bootleg-collecting spell – that listed ‘Meat’ as a song title. It was the only thing on the disc that particularly interested me, the rest was a hodge-podge of live cuts siphoned from elsewhere. Luckily the store allowed me to listen and, of course, it was Dave Grohl’s cover of the Unleashed song ‘Onward Into Countless Battles’ – nice to hear but hardly worth the marked up price point:

I’m not too sentimental about some aspects of the bootleg days: bootleg discs with the name Nirvana on tended to be way overpriced – £15 a pop. You’d get home to find the disc sounded like it was recorded through the echoing pipes of a toilet cistern. Tempting song titles would turn out to be mislabels or gig/session details were wrong and you’d find it was something you’d already heard. It was a real quagmire at times.

On the other hand, how often in life does something feel like buried treasure? It’s hard to describe how excellent it used to feel walking into a store and seeing something special. The anticipation, the spirit of discovery. Circa 1998-1999 there was a pretty common perception that the the words on the back of Outcesticide II about ‘record company vaults’ were literally true: that there was the kind of big metal cell you’d see in a heist movie, full from floor to ceiling with perfectly preserved Cobain/Nirvana demos – that there might be hundreds of entirely unreleased songs…It’s that spirit, the sense of unlimited potential, that is at the root of the dream – that moment in time.

Of course reality intervenes. I was reminded of it though when I walked into X Records in Bolton (https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attraction_Review-g187053-d13110119-Reviews-X_Records-Bolton_Greater_Manchester_England.html). There came a point where I had to turn to my mother and inquire whether she could go and complete the Christmas Eve family shopping and I would walk home…What I couldn’t tell her was that I quite literally could not leave – there was no way I could walk out of that store. None. I searched through barely a fraction of the shop’s selection before Christmas early closing – it’s a real Aladdin’s cave! Rarities, bootlegs, old CD and vinyl singles…I was in seventh heaven. And the staff were great! I felt sheepish that I was still swapping stuff back while at the counter…

The photo at the top is the Nirvana shelf. Sure, it’s 2018, I know now that there’s only a hundred unique originals written by Kurt Cobain that have been released publicly. I know that the record company isn’t sitting on a treasure trove of polished perfection. I browsed the back of the bootlegs and recognised gigs and songs that I knew pretty well because it’s all out there now pretty well…But it was nice to remember that moment of ‘anything possible!’ And to still believe there are surprises.

Welcome to 2019, 25 years since Cobain’s death, 31 years since Nirvana’s first studio session…Feel old yet? That’s OK. Onwards to new discoveries and good dreams!