A new song (and video) by Elizabeth S with a second vocal by Martyn Bates of Eyeless In Gaza – dedicated to the memory of Jules, the very dearly and truly loved partner of someone I respect who is suffering and enduring her loss.
The death of one’s loved ones is a paradox: we will all – every one of us – experience it…But the experience is entirely unique and private to the individual. I despise the words ‘I know how you feel’ or any equivalent of it because it’s a self-obsessed impossibility, we can only listen to the small part of grief that someone can transition into words and it turns out our language is brutally inadequate to the task. When faced with someone’s loss, all I believe we can offer is to listen, give signs that they are cared for and loved and that their loss matters, and to give presence.
We’re so used to filling everything with our own talking and broadcast, that ‘being there’ for someone in need is underestimated and underrated when really it is the only thing we can give to someone when they hurt. Don’t fill their pain with your words, just be there physically or down a phone line or in any medium…Adding human warmth and love makes a void less cold.
With every hope and best wish to Barry who is enduring such heavy loss.